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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23074057">Finding Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxiefierce/pseuds/roxiefierce'>roxiefierce</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Masturbation, Minor Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, My First Smut, Oral Sex, Ravenclaw Ben, Sex, Smut, gryffindor rey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:42:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,968</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23074057</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxiefierce/pseuds/roxiefierce</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Warmth filled her as she stepped through the gates. </p><p><em>Home.</em> At once, the anxiety she had been feeling slipped away. She had felt it from the first moment she set foot on Hogwarts grounds all those years ago. Then, it had been mingled with disbelief. She’d thought it was all some trick, a dream conjured by a broken girl. </p><p>Now, it was fact.</p><p>The sky is blue. The grass is green. Hogwarts is home. </p><p>This was where that broken girl had carved out a life for herself. This was where she had built her family. </p><p>And now, this was where she would live.</p><p>  <strong>Five years after Lord Snoke is killed and the First Order is defeated, Rey returns to Hogwarts to take over as Potions Master after her former teacher, Luke Skywalker, disappears. Ben Solo, newly returned from America, has taken over Defense Against the Dark Arts. The sparks fly, but what happens when the past comes back to haunt them?</strong></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've been on a Hogwarts AU kick and this idea popped into my brain last night and wouldn't leave me alone. So here it is. And I really hope it's not awful, but I figured the best way to find out is to drop it here and get some feedback.</p><p>I have some ideas about where I'm going with it, but it honestly took me a whole day to get this feeling "right" enough to post. So if anyone is interested in being a beta for this, feel free to reach out. I'd feel a lot better in general to have someone look it over before I post. But I don't have someone to do that for me right now.</p><p>Constructive feedback encouraged. If there's interest, I'll continue. But I have no clear plans for length at this point.</p><p>So, TIA for any reviews/kudos/feedback!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Warmth filled her as she stepped through the gates.</p><p> </p><p><em>Home</em>. At once, the anxiety she had been feeling slipped away. She had felt it from the first moment she set foot on Hogwarts grounds all those years ago. Then, it had been mingled with disbelief. She’d thought it was all some trick, a dream conjured by a broken girl.</p><p> </p><p>Now, it was fact.</p><p> </p><p>The sky is blue. The grass is green. Hogwarts is home.</p><p> </p><p>This was where that broken girl had carved out a life for herself. This was where she had built her family.</p><p> </p><p>And now, this was where she would live.</p><p> </p><p><em>Okay, so maybe some disbelief still lingered,</em> she thought wryly as she came to the doors. They opened as she approached and she faintly wondered if they were as sentient as the rest of the castle seemed to be. This thought was quickly as she caught sight of just who was waiting behind them.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you she was here!” The triumphant, booming voice of Professor Kanata echoed in the entry hall. Rey was always surprised by just how loud the diminutive woman could be. Maz came forward, leaving Tudyk to roll his eyes and shake his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw that, K!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes. All hail the great skill of Professor Kanata.” With another eye roll, he shut the doors behind them as Maz ushered her inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me look at you.” Rey leaned down obligingly as Maz’s hands framed her face.</p><p> </p><p>It was difficult not to squirm. Maz’s wide-eyes seemed to take in everything, and not just what was right in front of her. It’s what made her such an effective Divination professor. That and the fact that she did, in fact, seem to have foreknowledge of everything.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Rey passed the unspoken test. Maz nodded in triumph and released her. “Oh, yes. This is exactly where you were meant to be.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Maz.” Tears welled in her eyes, not unexpectedly.</p><p> </p><p>Maz’s opinion meant the world to Rey. During her time at Hogwarts, the old woman had become a sort of maternal figure. She frequently found herself seeking out Maz’s company for tea and a talk. While she didn’t necessarily hold with all views of Divination, she did respect Maz’s uncanny ability to know everything. She always knew exactly what to say, even if it hurt to hear sometimes. Inevitably, it would turn out to be exactly what Rey needed to hear.</p><p> </p><p>Straightening, she shook off the emotion and turned to Tudyk.</p><p> </p><p>K, as he was more affectionately known, had been caretaker of Hogwarts since Rey had been a student. Long before, in fact. She suspected the nickname had arisen out of necessity, rather than any affection. The plain fact was that everybody had trouble pronouncing the name. Or perhaps it was that the correct pronunciation was easy fodder for mockery. Either way, K was quickly established as his “real” name to every student, and staff member, who wanted to avoid being on his bad side.</p><p> </p><p>“K, it’s good to see you again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome to Hogwarts, Professor. I’ll show you to your quarters so you can get settled. Leave your bags, the house elves will take care of them.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey has to stifle a laugh as Maz rolls her eyes at K’s already retreating form.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes. Get settled. But then you must come up for tea. I insist!”</p><p> </p><p>“Will do!”</p><p> </p><p>She has to rush to catch up with K. His long legs have already carried him nearly out of sight, down the dungeon steps. She knows the way like the back of her hand. It doesn’t take long before they reach the Potions classroom and it’s only a few steps further to her new quarters. With a quick nod, K gestures her forward. “Professor.” And then he is gone.</p><p> </p><p>She is hit with a pang of something she can’t quite name at the sight of the bare rooms. She’d known she would be taking over his rooms, but she hadn’t fully processed that would mean the dissembling of the rooms as he’d kept them. There is nothing of her master here aside from the memories in her head.</p><p> </p><p>Her fascination with Potions began her very first year. She’d taken to it like a dragon to flight. It hadn’t taken long for Professor Skywalker to notice her innate talent. It had taken much longer for Rey to convince to give her extra lessons. “I don’t do that anymore,” he’d told her. Something had gone wrong with the last student who’d worked with him. But Rey was nothing if not persistent. She devoured books on the subject. She asking probing questions about techniques and ingredients and procedures, trying to squeeze any drops of knowledge he’d let slip. Eventually, her persistence wore him down. From there, it was a simple jump to become his unofficial apprentice—an apprenticeship she may as well have completed alone.</p><p> </p><p>It had been five years since the Battle for the Ministry. Five years since Lord Snoke and his First Order had fallen. Five years since Professor Skywalker had led the charge with his sister, now Minister for Magic Leia Organa. The Resistance had brought down the worst evil of their time. Lord Snoke had fallen and Kylo Ren, his most loyal servant, vanished. Luke Skywalker followed, returning with proof of his demise in the form of his mangled mask.</p><p> </p><p>Professor Skywalker had returned a broken man. Rey didn’t know what had happened in his hunt for Kylo Ren, but her Master was never the same. She would have accepted him going back to the grumpy old man she knew as a first year. She would have fought for his attention again. She would have been okay. Instead, Luke had become a shell of himself. He went through the motions of her apprenticeship. And while she hadn’t failed, she hadn’t thrived. Not like she did when she was still just a student. And then, he’d left. The day she passed her tests and finally became a full-fledged Potions Mistress, he’d left. She’d been so excited to share her success with him. There was a spark of hope when a small smile tugged at his lips. But then his words came. “Well, then. I can finally be done.”</p><p> </p><p>Luke disappeared after the school year ended.</p><p> </p><p>Until now, she’s not sure she fully believed he would be gone. She looks around for any sign of her former Master. But these rooms are empty. They give no hint of their former occupant.</p><p> </p><p>It is already the most luxurious space she’s ever been able to call her own, even if is empty. There are two large armchairs and a coffee table in front of a large fireplace. Off to its side there is a large desk, equipped with parchment, ink, and quills. Behind the desk, the wall features built-in shelves. The back corner boasts a small dining area and cupboards. She notes a door on the wall and discovers it leads into her staff office, which in turn leads to her classroom.</p><p> </p><p>She moves into the bedroom, unsurprised to find her trunks had beaten her here. The drawers are already filled with the little clothing she owns. A large, four-poster bed takes up most of the room. She charms the quilt a warm red, bringing some color into the space. The bathroom, she’s surprised to note, is more spacious than expected. Along with an enclosed shower, there is a large soaking tub that she can’t wait to try. <em>Later</em>, she promises herself.</p><p> </p><p>Her inspection reveals what she already knew to be true: there is no trace of Luke Skywalker here. Anger, and a touch of something else she doesn’t want to name, surges within her.</p><p> </p><p><em>Time for tea</em>, she thinks, pushing the feelings down.</p><p> </p><p>The walk to Maz’s is long, but familiar. Tea, too, is familiar. They dance around the erumpent in the room for a while, focusing instead on Rey’s summer and preparations for school. It doesn’t take long for the dam to break, however. When it does, Rey is a sobbing mess. Maz is the best person for this, really. She’s always understood Rey’s feelings. The shadows she doesn’t want to reveal. <em>It’s really for the best this happened now</em>, she thinks, <em>instead of during term</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Maz knows exactly what to say: nothing at all. She just holds her and lets it pass, muttering platitudes. “I know, child.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey feels refreshed as she makes her way back to her quarters. <em>I needed that</em>. <em>But now, it’s back to work.</em> There was a lot to do before the rest of the staff arrived tomorrow. Maz was the only one Rey knew of who took up residence year-round aside from the Headmistress, Amilyn Holdo. Rey had been invited a day early to set-up her quarters. She’d been friends with Finn, Rose, and Poe at Hogwarts. Now, they’d all be teaching here. Poe had started as the Flying instructor right after graduation. Finn and Rose had taken over Herbology and Charms respectively last year. They would definitely be getting together tomorrow night and Rey wanted to make sure she had her rooms sorted before then.</p><p> </p><p>She’s so caught up in her plans she doesn’t notice the large figure blocking her path. And really, she should have noticed. He catches her as she bumps into him, his fingers wrapping easily around her arms. She can’t help but think how right it feels. Her hands land on his chest. <em>His very firm, very large chest.</em> She breathes in something earthy as she gasps in surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry—,” she starts, then stops realizing she’s not even making eye contact. Her eyes travel a long way before they reach his. <em>He’s tall</em>.</p><p> </p><p>She short-circuits, unable to even form a sentence. He’s just so much larger than her. She feels her cheeks warm as she takes in his dark, flowing hair, his full lips, his dark eyes. She can’t tear her gaze away. His cheeks, too, begin to pink, a stark contrast to his pale skin. Then, he clears his throat.</p><p> </p><p>The spell is broken and Rey jumps back like she’s been burned.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t realize anybody else was here.” His voice. <em>That voice</em>. It’s deep, yet soft. And it penetrates every part of her body. Her knees wobble and he reaches out to steady her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” she manages to stammer out again.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“My name. It’s Ben. Ben Solo.” He releases her, reaching out his hand. She grasps it, or rather it grasps her. His hand swallows hers completely and she has to concentrate to avoid wobbling again.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey. Just Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, just Rey. I certainly hope you’re usually more observant than this.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Did he just—?</em> “Excuse me?”</p><p> </p><p>He stammers, flushing suddenly. “You know. I’m basically a walking tree.”</p><p> </p><p>She’s about to lay into him when she realizes. <em>He’s embarrassed.</em> So she smiles instead. “Fair point,” she concedes.</p><p> </p><p>His relief is palpable and she’s rewarded with his smile. <em>I need to make him smile more. </em>The thought comes unbidden and she flushes again.</p><p> </p><p>“So, um, first year?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”  </p><p> </p><p>There’s that awkwardness again. Or is it tension? Rey’s not sure she can tell. He definitely seems like an awkward guy. And here she is practically drooling over him in the hallway. <em>Keep it in your pants! </em>She hopes it isn’t totally obvious how much he’s affecting her right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” she forces out, “lots to do.” <em>Lots to do? Who says that?</em></p><p> </p><p>“Right, right. Me too.”</p><p> </p><p>“See you tomorrow?”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“The staff meeting?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, right.” He flushes. It really isn’t fair how cute it is. “Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>“See you then.” She forces herself to move then, but pauses when she hears her name.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey—,” He’s really flustered now. “I’ll, uh, save you a seat?”</p><p> </p><p>She can’t stop the smile that breaks on her face, her whole body sparking with heat. “Sounds perfect.”</p><p> </p><p>Again, his relief is evident as a wide smile takes over his face. <em>Did he think I’d say no? Wait, is this a date? </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Now it’s her turn to be flustered again as she contemplates the implications.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Welcome back to Hogwarts, indeed.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Oh my God! Have you met the new Defense teacher yet?” Professor Kenobi had retired years ago and there’d been a string of replacements ever since, but none that stood out to Rey with any clarity. Her confusion must show. “You know, tall, dark, and awkward?”</p><p>“You mean Ben?” </p><p>She hadn’t known what he was teaching, but she supposes it makes sense. She hadn’t heard of other teachers retiring and nobody had managed to keep the job for years. “BEN?!” Rose’s screech reaches new a whole new pitch.</p><p>“Yeah, I ran into him yesterday. You think he’s awkward?” She flushes and can see the moment Rose zeroes in on it. </p><p>“We caught a glance on our way down here. I’d climb that.”</p><p> </p><p>  <strong>Five years after Lord Snoke is killed and the First Order is defeated, Rey returns to Hogwarts to take over as Potions Master after her former teacher, Luke Skywalker, disappears. Ben Solo, newly returned from America, has taken over Defense Against the Dark Arts. The sparks fly, but what happens when the past comes back to haunt them?</strong></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ahhhh! Thank you all for the support!</p><p>This chapter contains smut and angst!</p><p>While I've read so much smut (so much), I haven't written any. I hope this comes off realistically!</p><p>More notes at the end! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The fluttering feeling, and the warmth that came with it, lingers as she returns to her quarters to attempt some organization. Attempt being the operative word. Inevitably, her thoughts stray to Ben.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ben Solo.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t remember him from Hogwarts. She <em>definitely</em> would have remembered him too. He wasn’t exactly forgettable.</p><p> </p><p>He had easily dwarfed her. She recalled her shock at the collision. Her initial apology had died on her lips when she realized just how tall he actually was.</p><p> </p><p>And that chest.</p><p> </p><p>She could practically feel the hard muscle under her fingertips still.</p><p> </p><p>Another surge of warmth flooded her. The excuses flitted through her head. Just as quickly, her libido gave some strong rebuttals.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>No. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>            <strong>Yes.</strong></em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It’s your first year. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>            <strong>His too. Wouldn’t it be nice to check each other’s technique?</strong></em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He’s a coworker. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>            <strong>Getting along with coworkers is a must. What better way to get to know each        other?</strong></em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It would be totally awkward.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>            <strong>It would be the opposite of awkward.</strong></em>
</p><p> </p><p>Then a small, quieter voice.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He can’t possibly want you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>            <strong><em>Girl... he said he’d save you a seat!</em></strong></p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>            ...he did, didn’t he?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The clock chimed, startling her out of her inner debate.</p><p> </p><p><em>Right</em>, she thinks. <em>Enough of that.</em></p><p> </p><p>But her attempts to redirect her attention only lead her further down the rabbit hole. She considers the bookshelf...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ben could probably reach. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The image of him stretching to fill her shelves fans the heat building within her. The encounter from the hallway replays. His chest. Those hands. They’d encircled her arms with such ease, such strength.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How would they feel elsewhere?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She flops into an armchair without thinking, her legs dropping open in anticipation. She trails a hand down her chest, lightly circling her nipples through the fabric.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands had seemed so small against his chest. She groans in frustration that they seem even smaller against her own. She pinches the peak of one nipple, eager to imitate half of what she imagines he’s capable of. Her other hand slides down to dip into her underwear and finds that she’s soaked—more than ever before.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If this is just from imagining... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She pauses to remove her bra, keeping the shirt for extra friction. Her hand dives back into her underwear immediately. She starts gentle, teasing her clit with small circles. But it’s not enough. <em>And it’s not what he’d do.</em> Somehow she knows. He wouldn’t be gentle. He’d take her pleasure. He’d wring every last drop of it from her. She presses firmer with her thumb as she slides the rest of her hand down.</p><p> </p><p>She’s tight, but her finger slides easily inside. Too small. Too easy. She adds another and then a third. <em>There.</em> It feels as close as she’ll get to Ben’s. She pumps them in and out, curling them a little to graze that sensitive spot inside.</p><p> </p><p>She imagines him hovering over her, his giant form engulfing hers as he sucks on her neck. He’d whisper in her ear, teasing. <em>Notice me now? </em>And oh yes, she does. She’s climbing towards her peak and increases her pace as she swears she <em>feels</em> his teeth graze her nipple. She pinches harder, hurtling over the edge.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” She moans his name as she comes, her walls clenching around her fingers in a way that sends shockwaves of pleasure trembling through her body.</p><p> </p><p>As she gingerly withdraws her hands from her body, she muses about the upcoming staff meeting and wonders whether Ben would be opposed to sharing a seat.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>When she finally applies herself to the task at hand, she notes the bulk of her belongings have already been handled by the house elves. Her clothes are neatly stored in drawers, her robes hanging in the wardrobe. Headmistress Holdo, blessedly, was aware of her unique situation and provided a small stipend to outfit her for the new role. She’d been able to splurge on two sets of teaching robes, which, though used, were nicer than anything she’d ever owned. Her toiletries, too, have been set out in the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>She spends only a short while organizing the clothes to her liking; it seems the elves had recalled her preferences from her time as a student. She’d always been a favorite of theirs, common decency apparently not as common as she thought.</p><p> </p><p>She turns her attention to the main living space. She may not own a lot of clothes, but she more than makes up for it with her books. Books, she might add, the house elves know better than to touch. The collection had been built with no little determination. Her school books had been provided by Hogwarts and she’d eagerly kept every one. The rest had built up steadily through purchases or gifts.</p><p> </p><p>She loses herself in the organization. <em>Alphabetical?</em> she thinks. <em>But by author or title? What about by size? By color?</em> She second-guesses herself at least ten times.</p><p> </p><p>By the time she finishes, there is a flash of worry that has managed to worm its way to the surface. <em>What if I screw this up?</em></p><p> </p><p>She’d been keeping it at bay for so long, it’s hard to squash.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What if they realize I don’t belong here? I never belonged here. It was a mistake. They’ll see it was a mistake. They’ll send me back. I can’t go back. I can’t go back I can’t go back I can’t—</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>No.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>She seizes onto this small bit of defiance and pushes the panic back once more. Forcing a smile, she turns her attention back to the books. <em>Totally should have gone with a combination. Size and title! </em>And so the organization continues...</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Despite the moment of panic, Rey feels well rested when she wakes the next day. <em>Probably due to your other evening activities.</em> There’s a flare of heat as she recalls her repeat performance before bed last night. Ben, it seems, is exactly her type. Every part of him cries out to her. And her body cries out for him.</p><p> </p><p>The thought of seeing him again today has her fighting back the urge to give it another go. <em>Down girl, </em>she admonishes. She can’t remember any guy ever having this effect on her. She felt like an animal in heat.</p><p> </p><p>A commotion at her door, however, diverts her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course she’s here! Her letters said she was arriving yesterday!”</p><p> </p><p>“True, but you never know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t we just knock and find out?”</p><p> </p><p>She squeals and she throws the door open. If Rose, Finn, and Poe are surprised by her sudden appearance, they don’t show it. She launches herself at them and they catch her with a laugh. Written correspondence just wasn’t the same. It had been far too long since the group was together.</p><p> </p><p>After graduation, Rey’s focus on studies meant little time for socializing. She had been at Hogwarts with them, but obtaining her mastery was no joke. And with Luke’s state of mind, she had to put forth double the effort. She’d basically been doing his job for him at that point.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe the gang’s back together, officially!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh man, wait until you see Chewie! I swear, the man has grown even more hair than I thought possible!”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you hear about the new Defense teacher?”</p><p> </p><p>The normalcy of the whole situation calmed Rey. It was always this energy, this eagerness to share news and talk.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, I missed you guys!” She hugs them harder before pulling them inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice digs! This feels bigger than mine. Why are you so lucky?” Rose punches Poe in the arm. “Ow! What?” A pause. “Oh, right. Sorry!”</p><p> </p><p>Rose and Finn roll their eyes, shaking their heads in exasperation.</p><p> </p><p>“Where have you been all summer?! We hardly saw you!” Rose has always been great at changing the subject to less sensitive topics. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you know,” she waves her off, “just the usual.” The usual being nothing they needed to trouble themselves with. It would be embarrassing to admit that she spent the summer in an alternating state of depression and anticipation. She’d been crushed by Luke’s disappearance, but ecstatic to return to Hogwarts permanently. As for the where part, Rey just hoped it would be the last summer she’d have to spend at Plutt’s. “How about you all? Fill me in on everything!”</p><p> </p><p>It’s easy to divert their attention. They spend the next half hour filling her in on more than she can absorb. She’s only half listening, more enjoying the company, when she’s jolted back into the conversation by Rose’s hands grabbing her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my God! Have you met the new Defense teacher yet?” Professor Kenobi had retired years ago and there’d been a string of replacements ever since, but none that stood out to Rey with any clarity. Her confusion must show. “You know, tall, dark, and awkward?”</p><p> </p><p>“You mean Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t known what he was teaching, but she supposes it makes sense. She hadn’t heard of other teachers retiring and nobody had managed to keep the job for years. “BEN?!” Rose’s screech reaches new a whole new pitch.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, I ran into him yesterday. You think he’s awkward?” She flushes and can see the moment Rose zeroes in on it.</p><p> </p><p>“We caught a glance on our way down here. I’d climb that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” Finn objects, punching Poe lightly on the arm. “Keep that up and you’ll sleep on the couch!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, please! You know I’m not actually going to climb him.” He leans over to quickly peck Finn on the lips. “I’d much rather climb you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Enough of that!” Rose interjects before the two can continue. “What did you mean? You think he’s not awkward?”</p><p> </p><p>“Who?”<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>I sigh, knowing she won’t let it go. “Ugh, fine. He’s adorably awkward.” She just stares at me. Poe and Finn finally pull themselves out of their love bubble to notice the standoff. “Okay, so I literally ran into him. And he had to grab me so I wouldn’t fall. And there’s a lot of muscle beneath that awkward. And he’s maybe saving me a seat at the staff meeting today.” I blurt it out in a rush, suddenly embarrassed and partly annoyed at having to share my crush.</p><p> </p><p>“WHAT?!”</p><p> </p><p>“REY!”</p><p> </p><p>“ARE YOU SERIOUS?”</p><p> </p><p>They’re all talking over each other, Rey’s head whipping back and forth as she tries to keep up. Finally, she decides she might as well go all in with it. “So if anyone’s climbing that tree, it will be me.”</p><p> </p><p>It gets louder, if that were even possible. She finally manages to calm them down, but not before Poe declares mission “Climb the Tree” a go.</p><p> </p><p>“I knew I shouldn’t have told you! You are the three least subtle people at this school!”</p><p> </p><p>Rose objects to this characterization. “Hey!”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s true!”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, she’s right.” Poe, unsurprisingly, recognizes the truth for what it is and gently pats Rose’s shoulder as Finn nods in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, fine. We’ll be on our best behavior. I swear!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey hopes for this, rather that trusts it, as they make their way up to the meeting. There is a fluttering of anticipation and nervousness at the idea of seeing Ben again. A rush of heat in her cheeks quickly follows as she recalls her activities last night. <em>Oh, God! How am I going to be in the same room as him? </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Hey, Ben! How was your night? I spent mine masturbating to thoughts of your hands and mouth all over me.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She wants to retreat, but then realizes she’s already in the room. And that there’s a very large chest in front of her. A familiar large chest. <em>Oh, God. </em></p><p> </p><p>“We should probably stop meeting like this.” There’s a small smile at the corner of his mouth when she looks up.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry! I really should work on my observation skills. As you pointed out yesterday.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I could try to help.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>They’ve drifted closer together, hovering at the edge of something. Rey vaguely thinks that they need to stop. This isn’t the place. But her body is humming with need.</p><p> </p><p>Rose, thankfully, breaks it up before Rey totally embarrasses herself. “Hi, you must be Ben! I’m Rose! I teach Charms.” She shoves her hand between the two of them and the spell is broken. “And this is Finn, Herbology, and Poe, Flying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, nice to meet you.” The smile is still there, but it feels stiffer somehow. <em>Definitely a little awkward</em>, Rey concedes. “I’m taking over Defense.”</p><p> </p><p>“We get a lot of those, but definitely hoping you’ll be the one who sticks.” This time it’s Poe’s turn to elbow Rose, who immediately flushes with mortification. “I mean, you know—,” But Ben just laughs at this.</p><p> </p><p>“I certainly hope so.” He waves off her concern. “Don’t worry about it. How do you all know each other? Rey said it was her first year too.” He peers at her with some curiosity so she shrugs guiltily.</p><p> </p><p>“It might be her first year officially teaching—,” Poe starts.</p><p> </p><p>“But we all went to Hogwarts together and —,” Finn continues.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey was basically teaching classes at the end of her mastery last year.” Rose finishes.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s pretty impressive.” His attention turns to her fully now. “I’m sorry. I never heard what you’re teaching.”</p><p> </p><p>She starts to reply, but Headmistress Holdo calls everyone together. Ben leads her to two seats nearby and Rey catches Rose and Poe giving her thumbs up from their side of the room. Thankfully, Ben misses their signals.</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome back, everyone! We have a lot to get through, but let’s start with introductions.” Amilyn Holdo is kind, but firm. It’s what netted her the position of Deputy Headmistress and eventually Headmistress after Leia left at the end of the war. “We have two new teachers joining us on staff, although one might be familiar.” There are a few chuckles around the room as Rey gives a one-handed wave. “But let’s start with the newest: Benjamin Solo, taking over Defense Against the Dark Arts.”</p><p> </p><p>He flushes and stands only briefly. <em>Embarrassed by the attention</em>, Rey thinks.</p><p> </p><p>“And of course, Rey has returned to officially teach Potions!” She hasn’t yet taken her eyes off Ben, so she has a front row seat to his reaction. As soon as the words are out, Ben pales and lifts his eyes to hers. His mouth is gaping and Rey has to tear her attention away to stand and greet everyone herself.</p><p> </p><p>She ponders his reaction as she sits, something uncomfortable settling in her gut as she recognizes the news has completely shocked him. And not in a good way.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart sinks when she realizes that he’s no longer looking at her.</p><p> </p><p>In fact, he seems utterly determined not to.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for all the love on the last chapter! It means so much! </p><p>I'm going to take the time to respond to the comments, I promise. </p><p>In the meantime, expect a short break in posting. I'll be away for the next week or two so I won't have time to write much. The plot is firming up as I go along, so I think I'll have a definitive idea of chapter count soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Talking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Ben—,” she sighs, desperate to get past whatever has happened between them. “Are we really not going to talk anymore?” He looks at her, confusion etched on his features. “I don’t even know what happened. It seemed like we—” She breaks off, not sure she wants to go there. Not when there are so many people around to witness her inevitable breakdown. Better to just give up, she thinks.</p>
<p>“Rey—,” She startles at his voice, “It’s complicated.”</p>
<p>“We just met. It can’t be that complicated.” His mouth presses into a firm line. Something is bothering him a lot. “We don’t have to talk about it. But we’re colleagues. We should be able to hold a conversation.”</p>
<p>“There’s a lot you don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Do I need to know?”</p>
<p>He is quiet, contemplative. It’s several minutes before she hears his quiet reply. “I want you to. I’m just not ready.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>Five years after Lord Snoke is killed and the First Order is defeated, Rey returns to Hogwarts to take over as Potions Master after her former teacher, Luke Skywalker, disappears. Ben Solo, newly returned from America, has taken over Defense Against the Dark Arts. The sparks fly, but what happens when the past comes back to haunt them?</strong>
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you again for all your lovely comments and the kudos!</p>
<p>Given the current situation, my travels have been cancelled. So, you get this chapter earlier than expected!</p>
<p>I'm working through some ideas with the plot, so this actually took longer than expected. I'm going to work out a full plan before I write more though so I can keep track of what's happening.</p>
<p>Angst ahead! And maybe some minor smut. ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He doesn’t look at her the rest of the meeting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey knows because she hardly keeps her gaze from him. She knows she’s not paying attention. She can hear Holdo’s voice somewhere in the background, faded and unclear. She senses eyes on her too. Roses’s. Finn’s. Poe’s.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not Ben’s.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not the eyes that matter most to her right now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>You’re being ridiculous, </em>her head urges. <em>You’ve only known him less than a day.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>Yes, </em>her heart’s reply is no less urgent, <em>but wasn’t that enough? </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey had never felt such a pull towards someone ever before. It was an unusual feeling. She is cautious, careful. She is outgoing and friendly, sure. She craves friendship and close bonds. But she doesn’t expect them. And her trust had always taken a long time to develop with others.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She feels like that five-year-old girl again. Lost. Alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And she has no right to feel this way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben met her yesterday. They’d only spoken twice. He owes her nothing. He can walk away and it shouldn’t matter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>But it does</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There is something between them. She feels it. She knows it.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>But the rejection.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because that’s what it is. There’s no other way to interpret this. He has shut himself away from her completely. Turned away. Looked away. Pulled away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Why?</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Why? Why? Why? Why?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She can’t figure out what changed. They flirted. He was happy to see her. Wasn’t he?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>These thoughts are interrupted by movement. Ben stands and moves quickly for the door, the hall. Rey jumps up and follows, not willing to let him walk away without talking to him. She follows him into the hall, rushing to catch up, reaching out for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Why?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She doesn’t realize she has spoken the words aloud until he stops abruptly. Her hand hovers over his back and she feels the tension without having to touch him. But she wants to. Touch him, that is. She wants to soothe the tension.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He glances back at her. “I’m sorry.” His eyes are so expressive she can practically hear the unspoken words. <em>This was a mistake.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then he’s walking away again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And she can’t find the strength to follow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She offers a bland excuse to her friends when they find her in the hall. There are several sad, curious looks cast in her direction. She wouldn’t even know where to start.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ahh, Rey!” She startles at the sound of the Headmistress’ voice. “I was hoping you hadn’t run off.” While Rey is grateful for everything Amilyn had done for her after Luke left, she didn’t think she could handle any conversation right now. Sadly, it seems she must.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I help you with something?” She hopes her voices sounds steadier than she feels.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sad smile Amilyn offers is the only warning she gets that this won’t be something she likes. The envelope being held out for her only proves her suspicion. Her name is on it. And the writing is deeply familiar. “He sent this for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey doesn’t need to ask who. <em>Merlin, the hits just keep coming. </em>And her hand shakes as she reaches out to grasp the letter in her hand. She had sent Luke so many letters this summer. Each had gone unanswered. To her, it was a clear message. <em>You were a mistake. </em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>She vaguely hears her own voice thanking Amilyn, vaguely hears her response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Somehow, she finds her way back to her quarters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This time, the spiral is unstoppable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>First, Luke. Now, Ben.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A little girl waits in an alley for a family who will never return.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A shop owner takes her in, grudgingly. She is told she is worthless. A nobody.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She receives a letter. She thinks it’s a joke. But more of the same arrive, again and again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>It’s a mistake</em>, she’s told. This stays with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>It was a mistake. They know you’re a mistake. He knows you’re a mistake.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re nobody.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The tears consume her until she is pulled under by her grief and exhaustion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’ll talk to you about it. He has to!” Rose insists, echoed by Finn and Poe. Rey, however, feels equally as strongly that he won’t. “If he doesn’t’, I’ll make him!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ll do no such thing!” She doesn’t want pity, guilt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She throws herself into her preparations, instead. She may have taught Potions before, but that was with Luke’s lessons. Now, she has a chance to make it her own. She loses herself in her ideas, molding and forming each one into what she wants.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She determinedly ignores the letter now resting on the mantle above the fireplace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the start of term the following week, she feels grounded. She half convinces herself she’s fine before she walks into the Welcoming Feast and finds the only empty seat next to Ben. Her steps falter only briefly before she hardens herself, striding to take her place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She glares in Rose’s direction, suspicions confirmed by her friend’s sudden interest in her drink. Finn and Poe, too, seem to have been in on the scheme.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sits on the end, with Ben to her left and her only means for conversation. Rose is beside him, then Professor Hux, the Astronomy professor, then Madame Connix, the Mediwitch, then Maz, then Headmistress Holdo, then Professor Chewie, the Care of Magical Creatures professor, then Finn, then Poe, then Professor Bliss, the Transfiguration professor, then Professor Daniels, the History of Magic professor, and ending with K.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She can handle this. She won’t let this ruin her first official Welcoming Feast.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good evening, Ben.” He nods at her, but offers no reply. “Were you able to finish all your preparations?” Again, a nod.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She leans forward to try to initiate some conversation with Rose, but her friend is absorbed in her own tête-a-tête with Hux. She notes the faint blush on Rose’s cheeks and files the information away for later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She takes in the Great Hall instead. She has fond memories of her own from each Welcoming Feast. This room is where she’d been sorted into Gryffindor. This room is where she’d first met Finn, Poe, and Rose. Finn had been her first friend in Gryffindor, followed shortly by Poe via Finn. Rose, a Hufflepuff, had insisted on the Sorting Hat’s mistake and took to sitting with the trio. This room is where she’d gotten her first glimpse of Professor Skywalker. She can vividly recall the tiredness in his expression, not unlike the one Ben now wore next to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben—,” she sighs, desperate to get past whatever has happened between them. “Are we really not going to talk anymore?” He looks at her, confusion etched on his features. “I don’t even know what happened. It seemed like we—” She breaks off, not sure she wants to go there. Not when there are so many people around to witness her inevitable breakdown. <em>Better to just give up,</em> she thinks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rey—,” She startles at his voice, “It’s complicated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We just met. It can’t be that complicated.” His mouth presses into a firm line. Something is bothering him a lot. “We don’t have to talk about it. But we’re colleagues. We should be able to hold a conversation.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s a lot you don’t know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do I need to know?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He is quiet, contemplative. It’s several minutes before she hears his quiet reply. “I want you to. I’m just not ready.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. So, it can wait. In the meantime, how about we stick to normal conversations?” Frankly, she’ll take any interaction with him at all. Even if it’s just a simple hello or goodbye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Normal?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know,” she gestures out towards the line of First Years waiting not-so-patiently to be sorted, “How that girl in the front there is clearly a Slytherin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His tension loosens a bit as he turns to look. “That’s an easy one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, fine. What about that boy at the back?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The one red as a tomato? Is he holding his breath?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Could be. I say Gryffindor.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on, there’s no way. He looks terrified to even be here. He has to be Hufflepuff.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both smile, caught up in their little game. It’s not the connection she craves, but it’s something. They fall easily into conversation then. She finds it’s like talking to an old friend, like someone she’s known her whole life. It’s easy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Headmistress officially starts the feast soon after, introductions easy but embarrassing for both her and Ben. <em>Neither of us likes the attention</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their conversation picks back up. She learns he was in Ravenclaw and is more surprised that he went to Hogwarts at all given his lack of accent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I spent a lot of time in America growing up. Never really developed the accent.” He seems uncomfortable with the discussion again. “I came here because it’s where my mom went. She wouldn’t hear of me going to Ilvermorny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Smart woman.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She is.” A small, wistful smile appears on his lips. “How about yours?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your mother?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. Well, I supposed you’d hear it from someone eventually.” He looks at her with concern as her voice drops. “None to be had, I’m afraid.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No mum. No dad, either. Just me.” She decides to cut him off before he stumbles over a pitying reply. “Don’t worry about.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rey—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really. Don’t.” She looks to him with some warning and he nods. “Maz was more than enough of a mother for me here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mmm.” He nods. “I can see that. It can have its perks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Choosing your family.” There’s more to this. Despite the wistful smile of earlier, there’s clearly more to his family situation than meets the eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben—,” she starts briefly before he interrupts to shift the attention.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please don’t tell me Chewie was your father figure?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She snorts into her goblet. “Not at all. He’s definitely more like a crazy uncle.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve got that right.” He says it like he knows, but Rey dismisses it. After all, every Hogwarts student would describe him the same way probably. Instead, she chooses to pick up the previous thread.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If it was anyone, it would’ve been Luke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben chokes on his drink. “Luke?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, Professor Skywalker. My Master?” The tension is back now. “He taught Potions before—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know him.” She’s surprised by his sudden monotone response. She waits for him to pick the conversation back up, but he doesn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not good feelings then?” She ventures, but he just shrugs. “Well, you’re in good company.” He looks surprised by this. “Oh, don’t get me wrong. He was a wonderful Master. I learned so much. But it’s a little hard to have good feelings when someone you trust just disappears.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There’s a moment before Ben’s quiet reply. “He never reached out to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. Well, I mean—yes.” He looks confused, as he should. “He did write me one letter. Amilyn gave it to me after the staff meeting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And nothing. I haven’t opened it.” The question is in his eyes even if he won’t voice it. “I spent so long waiting. I just don’t know if whatever he has to say matters.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hates herself for the tears in her eyes. It feels like weakness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Rey.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wipes the tears away and forces a smile. “What for? It’s not something you’re responsible for.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He opens his mouth to say something, and then shuts it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sit in silence. After a time, his hand moves to cover hers where it rests upon the table. It feels like a spark where their skin meets. He flinches back at first and she thinks he felt it too. Then, he reaches out once more and gives it a small squeeze and just like that, she forgets everything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His hand dwarfs hers, as she thought it might. She can’t help but go back to the other night and think of how inadequate her hands truly are in comparison.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She takes a quick breath when she realizes she was forgetting to breathe, hears him do the same.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her eyes travel up slowly, hesitantly. There’s an electric current between them when their eyes meet. She can see the heat there, feel it traveling down her body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They snap to attention when Headmistress Holdo begins to speak again. Rey glances around, but nobody seems to have noticed their moment. <em>Thank Merlin. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The official dismissal sees the students departing to their dorms. The Heads of Houses each follow to give a traditional, personal welcome speech. Maz is in charge of Hufflepuff, Hux in charge of Slytherin, Daniels in charge of Ravenclaw, and Bliss had taken over Gryffindor this year.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stands, or at least she tries to. Her legs aren’t quite as stable as she would like and she falls back into her seat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rey! Are you okay?” Ben looks to her with concern, drawing Rose’s attention.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rey! What happened?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She waves them off. “Don’t worry. Just a little bit exhausted from the past week.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rose narrows her eyes before glancing to Ben. “Are you sure?” The look on her face can only be described as plotting when she utters her next sentence. “Maybe Ben should help you back to your quarters.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> I will kill you, Rose Tico. </em>Judging by the grin on her friend’s face, she may have caught a bit of the earlier tension. Or at least the after effects of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, that’s not—,”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’d be happy to.” She shuts her mouth before she gapes a little. Rose is clearly doing a little victory dance in her head. She doesn’t wait for Rey’s inevitable refusal before she shoves Rey at Ben.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then they’re walking. Her arm is tucked into Ben’s as she leads them to her quarters. A quick glance in his direction reveals his flushed face matches hers. Neither risks speaking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The hallway is deserted when they reach her door, the students now ensconced within their dormitories for the night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She turns to wish Ben a goodnight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gets as far as turning before his mouth is on hers and her back is pinned against her door. She is lost instantly. Disoriented and warm and pliant in his arms. His lips are just as soft as she thought they’d be. And as his tongue glides along her lower lip she opens for him. Her hands find his hair as his arms surround her, pulling her hips against his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She lets out a moan, and this seems to startle him from his actions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pulls back, breathless as her. He gently lowers her back to the ground though she has no recollection of ever leaving it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit. I’m sorry, I—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t be. Please don’t be sorry.” She leans forward and pushes herself up, dragging his head down again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He groans into her and pulls away again. “We can’t. Rey, we can’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And again she’s standing alone in a hallway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you're still enjoying! I'm trying to really convey the tension between them while hinting at things to come. </p>
<p>Stay healthy and safe everyone!</p>
<p>Please review! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Come on, Maz. We both know you’ve been waiting for me to ask since I got here. Probably even before.”</p>
<p>“My child, it is not for me to ask.” </p>
<p>Rey sighs. “I know. I just—I don’t even know why I’m asking.” Maz levels another look at her. “Okay, fine. I’m curious. He and I—. I thought I felt—.” She can’t bring herself to finish the thoughts, but Maz seems to understand.</p>
<p>“He is a complicated boy.” </p>
<p>“I think he’s long past boy, Maz.”</p>
<p>“He will always be a boy to me. Just like you’ll always be a girl.” Rey smiles a little at this. “I have known Ben Solo since he was a boy here at Hogwarts, longer even.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>Five years after Lord Snoke is killed and the First Order is defeated, Rey returns to Hogwarts to take over as Potions Master after her former teacher, Luke Skywalker, disappears. Ben Solo, newly returned from America, has taken over Defense Against the Dark Arts. The sparks fly, but what happens when the past comes back to haunt them?</strong>
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much for your patience! There's something about quarantine that both gives me all the time in the world and takes away all inspiration in the world. But! I have fully planned out my ideas for this story and it will be 11 chapters (with an epilogue). So expect a few twists, more angst, and more smut!</p>
<p>I hope you and yours are staying healthy during this time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It doesn’t take long for the hurt to morph into anger. She wants to throw something. There’s hurt there, still. But she’s angry. She’s frustrated. That kiss had been so good. It had felt so right. Like just for a moment everything had slotted into place for her again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then she’d been hit with a tripping jinx.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>What’s his problem?</em> She’s not sure she wants to know. A girl can only take so much rejection. Because that’s what it is. Rejection. It had felt the same after the staff meeting. If anything, it stings a little more now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just thinking on the kiss is enough to make her knees weak. <em>No. </em>She quashes the rush of heat flowing through her blood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her eyes roam for distraction. Luke’s letter stares out from its place on the mantle. Anger flares again and she moves for it. She contemplates tossing it into the fire. <em>After all, </em>she thinks, <em>what could he possibly have to say now that will make any difference?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stares at it for what feels like hours. Then, she takes a breath. The clock chimes the hour: late. If she has any hope of being fit to teach tomorrow, she needs to sleep. She returns the letter to the mantle, flopping it over so she can’t feel its stare.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first few weeks fly by. She’d never felt so stressed—or invigorated. It was a different kind of challenge to teach Potions on her own terms. She was literally flying solo now. Before, Luke had been there, even if he hadn’t been fully present, so there was still a safety net of sorts. But this? This was all her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And despite the stress, she was thriving. She loved every part of it—the good and the bad. The smiles when their potion turned out exactly how it should. The frowns when they tried to goof off and she had to take points.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It didn’t hurt that it served as a nice distraction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hadn’t spoken to Ben since the kiss—since he fled. She did have to see him at meals, but thankfully Rose had moved seats. She’d been furious on Rey’s behalf.  Now she had Rose, and Professor Hux, as a buffer. Her second buffer was an interesting development, but she was happy for Rose. At least someone was happy. Well, multiple people. Finn and Poe had been happy for ages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometimes she sees Ben looking her way, but he makes no attempts to talk with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s with no little bit of relief that she finally finds time to meet up with Maz for tea. She hadn’t seen her since that week she moved in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A calm she hasn’t felt for weeks settles over her when she reaches the door. It opens, naturally, before she can even knock.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come in, child!” Maz’s voice calls from within. “I’m just finishing setting up! We’ll lunch in here today.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your skills in the art of divination are without question.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bah!” She fusses around as Rey takes a seat, filling the cups and arranging everything just so. They both fill their plates and it’s so easy to fall back into the normalcy of it all. Then Maz turns her all-knowing eyes to her. “Where do you want to begin, child?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“School, of course.” She quips, ignoring the hippogriff in the room. “Will it always be this stressful? This exhilarating?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both laugh. And the conversation is easy and the food is delicious. Maz shares stories of some of her most memorable students—good and bad. Rey shares her own stories from the past few weeks. There was one particularly funny story involving a student who managed to turn the potion into something that resembled jelly. She’d had to take points, but privately she had laughed at what turned out to be a harmless error.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maz’s eyes lock on hers again. Waiting. Rey sighs with some reluctance, knowing she’ll have to be the one to broach the topic. Maz would never make her talk about it before she felt ready, even if Maz thought it was time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well?” She starts dryly. “What can you tell me about Benjamin Solo?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ahhh, Ben Solo. Is that who you came to talk about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on, Maz. We both know you’ve been waiting for me to ask since I got here. Probably even before.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My child, it is not for me to ask.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey sighs. “I know. I just—I don’t even know why I’m asking.” Maz levels another look at her. “Okay, fine. I’m curious. He and I—. I thought I felt—.” She can’t bring herself to finish the thoughts, but Maz seems to understand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He is a complicated boy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think he’s long past boy, Maz.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“He will always be a boy to me. Just like you’ll always be a girl.” Rey smiles a little at this. “I have known Ben Solo since he was a boy here at Hogwarts, longer even.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you know?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She doesn’t have to specify what she means by this. “I had a feeling you two might get along. But it was just a feeling.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“We did get along. Sort of.” Maz waits. “We had this amazing connection. And then at the staff meeting it was like someone flipped a switch. He wouldn’t even look at me! Then, I got him talking more at the Welcoming Feast. I thought maybe it was just a fluke. But then—” She takes a breath. “He ran away again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As I said, he is a complicated boy.” It’s Rey’s turn to level a look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It just seems to be a pattern with me. People running away. First my parents, then Luke, and now Ben.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My child, it is as I have always told you. The belonging you seek is ahead of you, not behind you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not that simple, Maz.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It is. I have told Ben the same thing.” Her head snaps up at that, but Maz holds up a hand. “No. His past, and his issues, are his own. Just as yours are.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He mentioned wanting to tell me things.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then let him.” Maz reaches now to cup Rey’s face. “Give him time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know, you really haven’t told me much about him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maz smiles as she moves to start tidying up. “I didn’t tell him much about you either.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He asked about me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s not quite so stubborn as you. He was here just after term started.” Two weeks ago. Ben had asked about her two weeks ago. Rey flushes. “No more questions. You two need to work this out together.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey leaves shortly after, needing to prepare her next lesson. But of one thing she’s certain. <em>I am not making the first move again. This time, it’s his turn.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She holds strong to her resolution to ignore him. If he wants to talk again, he has to be the one to start the conversation. She’d already done so once before. So when she sees him glancing her way, she ignores it. If they pass on rounds, she ignores his gaze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And it’s always his stare. He still hasn’t tried to talk to her again. The few times she catches him she thinks she sees sadness. She wants nothing more than to take it away from him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But she holds firm. <em>It’s his turn.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s nearly Halloween before her patience pays off. She assumes it’s a student when she hears the knock. <em>Of course, they always come right at the end of office hours.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looks up, unprepared for the sight of Ben Solo occupying her door. And he certainly occupies it. His body fills the space and she thinks he might even be ducking his head a little. Her breath catches in her throat as she stares at him. She even blinks a few times, sure she must be mistaken. But no. He’s here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi, Rey.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben.” She can sense he’s struggling, uncomfortable. She wants to help, but she finds herself in a similar place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I, uh—,” he cuts off, running a hand through his hair. The memory of its softness flashes through her mind. “I wanted to talk to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s been a while.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You seem to say that a lot.” She can barely hear her own voice as she says it, but Ben hears her. He lets out a short bark of a laugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I know. It’s a major flaw.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Apologizing?”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“Doing things that require apology.” She nods at this and finally remembers her manners, gesturing to the seats in front of her desk. The seat is small for him, intended for students, but he makes it work somehow. “I am sorry, Rey. I know I already said this, but it’s complicated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve heard that a few times, yes.” He looks at her curiously. “Maz.” She answers the unasked question and he nods.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looks distinctly uncomfortable now. “And what else did Maz have to say?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She didn’t tell me what’s complicated, if that’s what worries you.” He looks relieved. “I expect she provided me as much detail as she gave you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He flushes, giving it away even if Maz hadn’t already told her he’d asked about her. “I suppose that’s fair.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She told me we should work it out together.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I got the same lecture.” He smiles again, more of a grin really. “She always did know everything. She’s an old friend of my family.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I see. She did mention knowing you longer than Hogwarts, so that makes sense.” There’s a lull. “What was that like?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Complicated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They’ve circled back now, it feels like.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I meant what I said at the feast, you know.” She looks at him properly now. He seems tired. And sad. And she still wants to make it go away for him. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looks back now. Really looks back. She feels like he’s looking into her for something. He must find it. “I want to be friends.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Friends?” She whispers and he nods.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know if I’m ready for more right now. As much as I want to be.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” As much as she wants more, she wants him. And that means she’ll take him however she can get him. “Friends. I do have one condition though.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gets up and moves around her desk, takes the seat next to him. She reaches out and takes his hand. “Talk to me, Ben. Because I won’t get into it, but the running away thing? It hurts.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t think I’ll ever stop apologizing, Rey.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shakes her head. “No, no more apologies for that. Just show me it will be different this time. A girl can only take so much rejection.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Deal.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And they both smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please leave a comment or kudos if you're enjoying! </p>
<p>Thank you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Dreams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She still didn’t know everything, but he had freely admitted there was more to know. She could wait. She’d spent a large portion of her childhood doing just that; doing it for Ben was easy.</p><p> </p><p>  <strong>Five years after Lord Snoke is killed and the First Order is defeated, Rey returns to Hogwarts to take over as Potions Master after her former teacher, Luke Skywalker, disappears. Ben Solo, newly returned from America, has taken over Defense Against the Dark Arts. The sparks fly, but what happens when the past comes back to haunt them?</strong></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one took me a while. But I have to tell you that not only is it the longest chapter so far, but also my favorite. It was also the hardest to write because I wanted it to be perfect. </p><p>There's a bit of everything here. Fluff, angst, and smut. </p><p>See you on the other side. 😘</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was easier being friends. It certainly lifted a weight off Rey’s shoulders, anyway. She felt lighter than she had. That’s not to say there wasn’t any tension. There was definitely tension. But it was the good kind. The curl your toes, leave you breathless kind of tension. It happened in the quieter moments. In the small smiles. In the pause after shared laughter. Their eyes would meet and time would stop. She knew Ben felt it too.</p><p> </p><p>But the moments passed.</p><p> </p><p>She found it easy to lose herself in their friendship. Ben was quiet, but that just made everything he did say more important somehow. He never lied to her, either. It didn’t feel like he could. She still didn’t know everything, but he had freely admitted there was more to know. She could wait. She’d spent a large portion of her childhood doing just that; doing it for Ben was easy. And true to his word, he hadn’t stopped apologizing. It wasn’t always verbal. Sometimes it was a cup of tea prepared just how she liked it: two sugars and a splash of milk. Other times it was the brush of his hand on hers.</p><p> </p><p>By unspoken agreement, they only spend time together outside their respective quarters. Instead they meet in the Great Hall, in the staff lounge, in the library. Slowly, Rey finds herself only returning to her quarters for sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Rose points this out jokingly one night when they’re hanging out together, Finn and Poe included. It’s a rare occasion; they haven’t been together like this since the beginning of the year. “I’m not even sure you <em>do</em> sleep in your quarters anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, peanut. This place <em>does not</em> look like you’ve even been in here for weeks. Where’s the mess?” Finn pretends to use binoculars as he looks around.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! I’m not that bad.” It’s a half-hearted protest. She knows she’s messy. Rose had been witness to it every year at Hogwarts. Finn and Poe learned of it during a stay with the Ticos one summer.</p><p> </p><p>Poe lets out a sharp bark of laughter. “Please! You could never make it through a night without making a mess!”</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously, Rey. Are you sleeping here?” Rose waggles her eyebrows suggestively and Rey rolls her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I am. But that’s about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where do you—?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn and Rose interrupt Poe at the same time. “Ben.” Rey flushes.</p><p> </p><p>“Where is the big guy? Must be busy since we’re being graced with your presence for the evening.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Hux?” Rose flushes too now but glares enough that Rey relents and answers her question. “He’s supervising a detention and then has rounds.”</p><p> </p><p>“So if all this is clean, does that mean Ben’s quarters are a mess?”</p><p> </p><p>She throws a pillow at Poe while the others laugh. “It’s not like that, you git!”</p><p> </p><p>“Really? Still?” Rose sobers with Finn’s incredulous outburst. There’s something in her stare and Rey suppresses the flash of anger that comes with it.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey—,” Rose starts.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t. I want more. I do. I think we both know it. I want him to choose me, but I won’t force him to make that choice, Rose. I’d rather have him in my life than not at all. He’s like—,” she pauses, trying to find the words, “He’s like the missing piece I didn’t know was missing. I know that sounds insane, but it’s true.” It’s quiet now. Trust her to suck all the laughter out of a room.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head at their pitying expressions. “Enough of that. I’m happy and we are still going to have a fun night!”</p><p> </p><p>She successfully distracts them, but not necessarily herself. She shakes it off until Rose is leaving, trailing behind Finn and Poe who have already left.</p><p> </p><p>“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey brushes it off, but thinks, perhaps, it’s a foregone conclusion at this point.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>She and Ben end up on their first patrol together for a Hogsmeade weekend, something she’s sure Maz must have arranged. They’d gone together for tea once already and it had been an interesting experience, to say the least. It was clear from that one visit that Maz was rooting for them.</p><p> </p><p>Rey is happy for the interference on this occasion, given what Maz “let slip” as she hugged her goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon, Ben. I’ve got big plans for you today.”</p><p> </p><p>“Big plans?”<br/><br/></p><p>“Of course! You didn’t really think I wouldn’t find out?” A faint blush creeps across his cheeks. She laughs as she hugs him. “Happy Birthday!”</p><p> </p><p>“Maz?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maz.”</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose you’re not going to just forget, are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not a chance!”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey.” His tone gives her pause. “Birthdays weren’t—well, they weren’t the best.”</p><p> </p><p>She holds his face in her hands. It’s a small piece of his past, but it’s not a happy piece. She wants to kiss away his frown, the sadness in his eyes. “All the more reason to make this one the best.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey—,” She puts a finger against his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me do this for you. Please?”</p><p> </p><p>He finally concedes with a nod and small smile. “Do your worst.”</p><p> </p><p>She thinks she might pull a muscle she’s smiling so hard.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not the worst, from what she can tell. She takes care of all the little problems that arise, which aren’t many given that she’d already bribed Poe, another chaperone for the day, and her plan goes exactly as intended. They lunch at Three Broomsticks and pick up some sweets from Honeydukes, where she buys him a handful of toffees and he sneaks a purchase of sugar quills for her. She berates him but is secretly pleased he noticed her habit of chewing on quills. They spend at least an hour in Tomes and Scrolls, easily lost in the shelves, sharing favorites from fiction and non-fiction alike. She finally drags him to Scrivenshaft’s to present him with his actual, physical present. She’d ordered it via Owl Post last week after tea with Maz to be collected today. It’s not the fanciest quill on the market, but it is spelled to magically refill and is beautifully colored in shades of grey. She, too, had taken notice of some of Ben’s habits. Or in this case, hobbies.</p><p> </p><p>“You seem to write a lot more than you need to. And your calligraphy is much better than anyone’s I’ve seen.” She’s fidgeting now, nervous in light of his silence. “It just seems like you practiced it a lot. And if you practiced it a lot then I assumed—”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, I love it.” He beams at her and she sighs in relief. “You were right. I can’t wait to use it.”</p><p> </p><p>He hugs her and she lets herself imagine this means more, just for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Rey.” He pulls back, smiling still. “Easily my best birthday ever.”</p><p> </p><p>He just laughs when she quips, “Until next year.”</p><p> </p><p>They trail behind the students on the way back to Hogwarts. And if his hand brushes hers with more frequency, she makes no move to stop it.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>It’s only a week later that Kaydel, the resident Mediwitch, comes by to request additional Dreamless Sleep. Rey is happy enough to make a batch, not completely surprised that this particular potion would run out. Rey herself had benefitted from it during her first few years at Hogwarts. It was dangerous to rely on, but thankfully Rey’s introduction to her life as a witch had removed much of the impetus for its need. She’d been able to wean herself from it by year three. Now she only used it sparingly.</p><p> </p><p><em>How horrible that students still need this</em>, she thinks as she brings it up to the Infirmary.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, bless you!” Kaydel waves her in when she enters, moving to clear space in her cabinets. “Sadly, you can never have too much on hand.”</p><p> </p><p>When she moves to take the vials, Rey waves her off. “No, allow me.” She’s storing them neatly in the lower shelves, kneeling on the ground, when she hears someone enter. Then she hears his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Madame Connix, I need a few more vials of Dreamless Sleep.” She stands abruptly, whirling to see Ben’s startled expression as she appears.</p><p> </p><p>“How many times have I told you? It’s Kaydel. You’ve been in here enough to remember that, I think.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey.” He squeaks out. He clearly hadn’t expected to see her here, hadn’t intended for her to hear.</p><p> </p><p>“You have Rey to thank for my endless supply, you know?” Kaydel continues on, unaware of the tension now permeating the room. “She’s brewed me another large batch so I have plenty extra.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ahh, never mind. I can get it later. I just remembered—,” he cuts off, clearly embarrassed, “I have a meeting.” And then he’s gone, fled through the doors.</p><p> </p><p>Rey doesn’t wait to hear what Kaydel has to say about the whole thing. With a quick, “Excuse me” she’s out the door after him.</p><p> </p><p>She finds him in his office and, given the tension in his body when she enters, she gathers he’d hoped she wouldn’t follow. But she had. And she had no intention of leaving.</p><p> </p><p>She takes a seat in front of his desk, waiting patiently but also unsure what to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I’ve made more work for you.”</p><p> </p><p>She huffs a laugh. “You really don’t stop apologizing, do you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I told you. I do a lot of things that require apology.”</p><p> </p><p>She moves now, going around the desk to take his chin in hand, forcing him to meet her stare. “This is not one of those things.”</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Would you ask a child to apologize for having nightmares?” He slowly shakes his head and she releases him. “Then why do you demand that of yourself?” She sees the moment he accepts this. From experience, she knows it’s not total acceptance. But it’s a start. “I can brew you some, you know. So you don’t have to ask Kaydel.”</p><p> </p><p>She knows how embarrassing it can be to ask for help. It took a long time for her to accept that it was the same as needing help for a broken bone. Emotional pain may not be visible, but that doesn’t make it less worthy of aid.</p><p> </p><p>His voice is still quiet when he speaks again. “Actually, can I have some space in your lab?”</p><p> </p><p>“You brew?” He nods. “Of course, then.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t want to ask before.” <em>Didn’t want you to know</em>, goes unspoken but she hears it all the same.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, now you have. Tonight?”</p><p> </p><p>“That works.”</p><p> </p><p>He follows her from dinner and she brings her marking into the lab. He pales a little when she leads him to her private lab, but he follows so she dismisses it.</p><p> </p><p>He brews quietly and not without talent. <em>He could have been a master. It all looks so natural to him. </em>She is lost in these thoughts and so startles when he speaks suddenly, even if it is a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re reminders.” He pauses. “Every horrible thing I’ve ever done. I relive it every week. Sometimes every night.” She waits for him to continue, guessing that there’s more. “It’s always dark. And cold. Sometimes I can see faces, but I usually manage to blur those enough that I don’t have to see.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you can pretend it didn’t happen.” She states it as fact. And Ben turns his head slightly, surprised by her admission. Because it <em>is</em> an admission. “It felt like I was drowning every night. Pulled under, fighting to escape. It wasn’t rest.”</p><p> </p><p>“When?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mostly when I was younger. When I came here, it got better. But also a little worse.” She gestures to the potion. “Three years.”</p><p> </p><p>He stirs the requisite number of times then banks the heat, leaving the now-finished potion to cool while he gathers several bottles. “How did you stop?”</p><p> </p><p>“I finally had something better. Something to overshadow the past.”</p><p> </p><p>“What was that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Friends.” It sounds simple, even to her ears, but she hears her own admission in it all the same. Just another thing she’d suffered from, been starved for.</p><p> </p><p>She moves to help him decant. In no time, they have the lab as spotless as it started. She moves to gather her papers, but is stopped by his hand grasping her wrist.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not alone.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiles softly. “Neither are you.”</p><p> </p><p>He pulls he towards him, bringing a hand to cup the back of her head. Her breath catches in her throat as he lowers his face to hers.</p><p> </p><p>And then his lips are on hers.</p><p> </p><p>It’s soft, like asking permission. He pulls back too soon and she sighs with barely concealed frustration.</p><p> </p><p>“Please, Ben.” It comes out more like a whimper. She’s terrified he’s going to walk away again. Terrified he doesn’t feel the same pull she’s feeling—the same pull she feels constantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey.” He says it like a prayer and then his mouth is on hers again and there is nothing soft about it.</p><p> </p><p>His mouth slots over hers and it’s heat and it’s the tension that had been building between them for weeks now. She can feel him giving himself over to her, finally. She moans, her hands finding purchase in his hair, around his neck. It’s exactly as she remembers; she feels boneless, yet energized. Sated, yet starved. He groans into her mouth, hands coming around her and lifting her. She wraps her legs around his waist and he pulls away, pleading against her neck. “Bedroom?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yes</em>. Merlin, yes.” She directs him between kisses, moving her own mouth to nibble his neck. He audibly moans when she nibbles at his ear and she stores that piece of information as she continues her assault.</p><p> </p><p>She loses her outer robe somewhere in her living area and pushes his off as they reach her bedroom. It’s dark as they fall onto the bed.  He kisses down her neck and drags his tongue along her collarbone, sending shivers through her. A wave of his hand illuminates the candles. She sees the clear hunger in his eyes that she is sure is echoed within her own. He makes quick work of her shirt and she gets only partway through removing his when she loses all coherent thought.</p><p> </p><p>His mouth sucks at one breast while his hand teases the other nipple into a hard peak, rolling it between his fingers. She whimpers, a breathy moan escaping as her hands find his hair once more and urge him to continue. His tongue teases the nipple in his mouth, circling and suckling. He switches between the two and she’s not entirely certain that she won’t come from this alone. But she pulls him up, sealing her mouth to his again as she finally manages to remove his shirt. She runs her hands along his chest and around to his back. She feels scars and, when she moves her mouth down his neck, sees them. There are several large ones, but it’s mainly small ones scattered around. <em>Later</em>, she thinks, <em>I’ll ask him later</em>. But for now she brings her lips to them, sliding down to run her tongue along a few. Sliding further, she is determined as she makes quick work of his pants and frees the hardness within.</p><p> </p><p>His cock springs forth, hard and flushed and weeping from the tip. She grasps him in her hand, spreading that wetness as she gently tugs. “<em>Fuck</em>, Rey.” And there are groans and a hiss of him drawing in breath when she sucks the tip between her lips. He’s so large, she’s not sure she can manage to take him completely. But she’s sure as hell going to try. She grips him as she runs her tongue from base tip then takes him into her mouth. He is hot and hard and she hums as she sucks. His fingers grip into her hair and she feels him buck beneath her. “<em>Enough.</em>” He growls as he pulls her up. “I won’t last if you keep that up.”</p><p> </p><p>And then his mouth is on hers again. His hands slide down to undo her pants and then his fingers are sliding through her slickness. She is soaked, she knows. He groans in appreciation as she whimpers with pleasure.</p><p> </p><p>“For you. Just for you.” She breathlessly mutters, trying to grind herself against his hand as he slides a finger inside her. “Fuck.” One finger feels like nearly two of hers. <em>I’ll never be able to replicate this</em>. The thought is faint as his thumb rolls her clit and she moans as another finger slips inside. <em>Full</em>, <em>so full</em>. His other hand finds her breast again, rolling her nipple between two fingers with a little more pressure than before.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, you take me so good.” His mouth finds her collarbone again. “So hot and tight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, please.” She’s whimpering now. “More.”</p><p> </p><p>She wants to scream when he pulls his hands away, but then her pants are off and his lips are on her inner thigh. He spreads her open as he moves up, teasing along the way. She fidgets with need, running her fingers through his hair. “Ben.” She breathes out his name as his tongue licks her sodden cunt. She’s already close when he slides his fingers back inside—first one, then the other. Her body feels taut and her toes curl at the same time his fingers do, catching that soft spot within that has her begging. “So close, Ben.” She can hardly breathe. “Please.” His mouth closes over her clit and he sucks and she bucks against his mouth as she comes. She grips his hair as she rides him and he hungrily drinks in her orgasm, lapping at her folds.</p><p> </p><p>He slides up her body when she loosens her grip, kissing his way back to her neck, her mouth. She tastes herself in his mouth. It’s tangy and unexpected, but not unpleasant. She finds it turns her on even more, tasting how wet she is for him—how wet he<em> made </em>her. She feels a tickle of magic on her abdomen as he murmurs a contraceptive spell and then he’s sliding into her. “<em>Fuck.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, <em>Rey</em>.” The sensation of his hard cock inside her nearly makes her come again instantly. It’s a close thing. She thrusts up against his soft rocking, his hips meeting hers. And then he starts his own thrusting. He’s groaning against her neck, muttering curses and prayers. “So fucking tight. <em>So perfect</em>. Like you were made for me.” And it is. She feels herself clenching around him and his thrusts speed up, his breathing quickens.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ben</em>. Come with me, Ben.” His hand snakes between them and he rolls her clit as he thrusts harder. Her body spasms, bucking wildly as he draws out her orgasm. She feels his spend, warm and wet within her as he thrusts hard, pulling her hips flush with his.</p><p> </p><p>They lie together, panting when he collapses on top of her. Even then, he’s shifted his weight so he doesn’t crush her. Eventually, he pulls out and flops onto his back, pulling her over to rest against him. She doesn’t even remember falling asleep.</p><p> </p><p>And neither has need for the potion forgotten in her lab.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Confession time: this is really, truly my first ever smut! 🙈 You had a taste of it in an earlier chapter, but this is the first time I've ever written a scene like that and I really hope it was good and you all love it.</p><p>I just love these two so much 😭</p><p>Please leave comments and kudos 💕<br/>And thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Again, I appreciate constructive feedback! Looking forward to the response!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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